by Fr. Tommy Lane
(This is a modified version of what was delivered)
In the lives of each of us there may be something painful, big or small, something that we wish to be different. In the lives of each of us there is a cross. The cross can be caused by somebody else, or we may bring a cross on ourselves due to our choices, or sometimes the cross is neither the fault of others or ourselves, but due to the accidents of life or simply because we are human and do not have the perfection of God. Whatever the cause, Jesus said, “Whoever wishes to come after me, must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” (Matt 16:24-26; Luke 9:23) Spiritual books tell us there are five stages in healing. (For example, Healing Life’s Hurts: Healing Memories through the Five Stages of Forgiveness by Dennis Linn and Matthew Linn, following the lead of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross who applies these five stages to accepting terminal illness). I think we can apply these five stages to help us see where we are in accepting our crosses.
At first, we may deny that we have a cross. Perhaps we do not want to face the pain of the cross, so we pretend that everything is fine and that we have no cross. But one of the mysteries of life is that a grace awaits us if we carry our cross just as resurrection awaited Jesus after he died.
After we move beyond denying our cross and admit that we have a cross, we may experience anger. We ask the question, “Why did God allow this to happen to me?” or say, “I didn’t deserve this.” It is a natural reaction. When Jesus indicated that he would suffer and die in Jerusalem, Peter rebuked him and said, “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.” (Matt 16:22). At this stage of coping with our cross, we may be angry with others, or even angry with God. It is easy to blame God when we cannot understand why we are in pain. But God did not cause our cross and blaming God is making an unjust accusation against God. Blaming others who are innocent is also unjust. Surely blaming God for some trouble is because we are afraid to face the real cause of the problem. Look at the life of Jesus. Do we see Jesus blaming his Father for his cross? No. The Father did not kill his son Jesus; it was Roman soldiers who scourged him, crowned him and crucified him. The Father did not give them the orders; the orders came from Pilate. Pilate was afraid of the crowd who were on the point of breaking into a riot (Matt 27:24). Pilate even knew that Jesus was innocent (Matt 27:24) But the blame doesn’t lie totally with Pilate; some of the Jewish leaders planned to have Jesus killed (Matt 26:3-4). We do not see Jesus blaming the Father for his cross and there is a whole group of people who paved the way for Jesus’ cross. When we have a cross, instead of blaming God, can we get to the root of the problem? For some people this type of inner work and healing may need therapy or counseling. Blaming God for the problems of the world is only passing the buck instead of admitting that no one has yet come up with an adequate answer to explain the mystery of human suffering; all we have are bits and pieces of answers.
After admitting the pain and accepting that there is a painful situation, some people make bargains with God such as, “God, if you get me out of this, I will be a priest” or similar bargains, “God if you get me out of this, I will make a pilgrimage.” And indeed going on that pilgrimage or becoming a priest is a wonderful grace and sometimes it takes a cross to prepare our souls to receive God’s grace.
After feeling anger towards God or others (stage 2), it is possible later to experience anger with oneself because of one’s cross. Anger turned in towards ourselves is sometimes called depression.
When we move beyond anger with ourselves or depression because of our cross, we arrive at where it was meant to lead us all the time: grace. We accept and cherish a grace in the plan of God for us because of our cross. One of the mysteries of life is that a grace accompanies every cross or we will receive a grace if we carry our cross. Jesus would not have risen from the dead if he did not die on the cross and we are running away from a grace if we are running away from our cross. Any cross is painful, but with prayer and the help of other people we can carry our crosses, and we need to pray a lot if we have a heavy cross. Jesus, on the night before he died, suffered in agony in the Garden in Gethsemane: “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matt 26:39) Sometimes we also say “let this cup pass me by.” But grace awaits us if we can say “not my will but yours be done.” If the cross is particularly heavy, we may wait a long time for the grace because we may get stuck for a while in one of those stages we go through, but the grace will follow if we work our way through all the thoughts that go on inside us and arrive at acceptance.
Perhaps we could describe receiving the grace after the cross as a healing. After the cross comes new life, resurrection, grace, thanksgiving. So we can say “Thanks be to God I have come through it.” We know we are healed and have received the grace only when we can say, “Thanks be to God.” The grace we receive is often in proportion to our cross. If we know the pain of being hurt by others, we end up being more sensitive to others, not wishing to impose hurt and injury on others ourselves. Some parishes have bereavement support groups; those who were bereaved in the past forming a group to give support to those who experience bereavement.
We move through these stages of healing by sharing our pain with the Lord when we pray. We don’t have to be perfect when we pray. We can tell the Lord everything. I think there is something holy about our cross. It keeps us close to God. When there is some pain in our lives and we have to carry a cross, we depend more on God. I think it is part of God’s mysterious plan that we carry a cross because it keeps us close to God. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said that sufferings are the kisses of Jesus in our lives.
Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt 16:24-25; Luke 9:23-24)
Copyright © Fr. Tommy Lane 1998
This homily was delivered in a parish in Ireland.
More for the Twelfth Sunday Year C
Related Homilies: The Christian Meaning of Human Suffering 2008
Taking up our Cross after Jesus
Do we live the faith we profess or run from the cross?
Growing Through Trials as Peter did
Jesus on the cross teaching us how to respond to unjust suffering 2015
First reading Jesus’ suffering as revealed by the Shroud of Turin
Psalm: my meditation mp3 (quality reduced for 56k dial-up modems)
stories about carrying our cross